masterslate.org

I met Joanna Bardis many years ago. According to my emails, our first contact was about April 2002. The first time we met in person (after chatting online and on the phone for a while) was at the Tool concert. After hanging out with her a few times, I realized I had developed a crush on her. We hung out several more times, once she even work up at the crack of dawn (5:30 or so) just to meet me at a diner.

I was on my way back up from DC after helping a friend bring some stuff down for college, and she said that I could meet her for breakfast on the way back up. I remember being excited for the opportunity to essentially start the day with her. We went to an O.A.R. show together that fall.

The last time I really hung out with Joanna Bardis was at her school, Rowan University. She invited me to spend a night at her dorm room, which was very exciting for obvious reasons. I had the opportunity to basically be alone in a bedroom with the girl I had been trying to express my feelings for for a long time. The day started pretty normal, we hung out all day and went to Philly. We came back to her school, singing some O.A.R. songs together; I made sure to play the songs with subtle meanings behind them, such as If Only She Knew and so on.

Later that night, we went to some frat party, where she got into some spat with an ex boyfriend or something, I don’t really remember. Then, some drama unfolded and I was basically left alone in her dorm to sleep on the floor. Talk about heartache and heartbreak. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on; I felt alienated.

I don’t remember much of anything else after that because I was just emotionally drained.

We did hang out one more time after that event. Joanna drove up to visit for a few hours. That really sucked. I remember little of what happened because I was just trying to tell her how I feel, I think. We spoke online and on the phone a bit more. According to my AIM logs, the last time we really had a conversation online was in February 2004. The conversation seemed to be going along well and I told her how I felt. She just made a smilie face and I told her she didn’t understand what I meant. That was the last time we really spoke online. I don’t recall what happened after that event, theres no real log of anything on AIM after that time.

Currently, I still think of you, Joanna. My feelings have long since changed, but I still regard you as one of the most trustworthy people I’ve ever met. I’ve called you on occasion, like once or twice a year the past two years. You mostly ignore my calls and never return them. I told you a long time ago, no matter what, I’d always be there for you. Well, I’m still here for you. I hope that you come across this page and get in touch with me.